We're in sales. We face rejection every day. And sometimes it sucks. No matter what the highlight reel that is social media might tell us, most of us have fears and crappy days.

And yet the most under-discussed topic in the sales profession. Fear of rejection. And how to deal with it - or even use it positively.

Yeah, I know that we're not supposed to admit that stuff is scary. We're macho. Tough. High achievers. Macho men and women. A-Type alpha leaders.

But come on. Just between you and me, some of the stuff we do every day is emotionally draining.

Cold calling strangers. Handling objections. Being told NO. Calling people who we know don't want to speak with us. Having to project confidence even when we have no idea what we're doing! (Or is that just me?!)

And a bunch of other things that are normal for people in sales. But would terrify the living doo-dah out of most people.

So how to deal with - and use - that fear?

I always find that the first step to dealing with a fear is to understand why we have it. Because then we can put it in context.

WHY WE FEAR REJECTION - IT'S PERFECTLY NATURAL

Humans are successful because we cooperate. We're not big, strong, fast or fierce. No sharp teeth, or claws. And no matter what 6% of Americans might think, we are not going to outfight a grizzly bear. Hell, my money would be on a pissed-off Koala bear against most people!

But what we can do is THINK and COOPERATE. That is how we survived and thrived as our society and species developed.

The opinions of the rest of the tribe mattered, Being accepted mattered. Because if we weren't accepted, we would be cast out to survive on our own.

So fear of rejection is hard-wired. But even saying that is scary because it might make us "look weak". Think about that. We can't say that other people's opinions matter to us. Because we are afraid of what people's opinions of that might be. Weird isn't it?

So, having accepted that we all have this innate challenge, how to get past it?

HOW TO GET PAST THE FEAR OF REJECTION

Firstly the bad news. we're not going to make it go away entirely. And we shouldn't try.

The technical name for someone who doesn't have any fear about what people might think of them is sociopath. Probably not a life goal for most of us!

But we can put that fear in a box and get on with our lives. Here are the three tactics that I always work with:

THE SHORTEST ROUTE TO A POWERFUL STATE

State is a bundling term. It includes our emotions, energy levels, focus and many other things.

The shortest route to changing state is our physiology. Change your body language and you change everything.

We all know that our mood affects our body language. But most of us ignore the obvious fact that our body language changes our mood.

It's hard to be energetic, enthusiastic and positive while we're slumped over in our chair breathing shallowly, with a forwn on our face.

Sit up. Stand up. Pull your shoulders down and back. Lift your chin. Breathe deeply. Put a big smile on your face.

And try to feel glum. It just won't work.

For decades I've believed in the Act As If frame. Not act like you're a millionaire by buying stuff you can't afford. That's just stupid.

But Act As If you're confident. And you will be. Act As If you're enthusiastic. And you will be.

And in that improved state you are equipped to face the world and your fears seem less scary.

THE MOST INFLUENTIAL PERSON IN YOUR LIFE

You take you everywhere you go. No matter where you travel to, there you are. You can't escape you. Can't be done.

What you say to yourself is the most influential conversation that you will ever have. Take control of it.

Consciously and deliberately change what you say inside your internal monologue. It's you saying it, for goodness sake! So if you don't like it, change it!

Instead of “They're probably going to say no at this price", ask yourself "How do I get them to think this price is good value?"

Instead of "This is going to be awful" ask yourself "How do I make this go perfectly?"

Instead of imaging the worst stuff, consciously imagine the desired result.

I know it sounds simplistic. It's not. It's simple. Big difference.

PRO-TIP ON MANAGING YOUR STATE

Don't go for either/or.

Change your physiology first. That will make it easier to change your self-talk by asking yourself good questions.

If you try to change your self-talk first, you’ll probably tell yourself to bugger off!

CONFIDENCE THROUGH COMPETENCE

The third tactic for getting past fear of rejection is the only one that takes time. Become Competent.

When you KNOW that you can do something at the highest level, it's less likely to intimidate you.

I KNOW that I'm competent at speaking in front of large audiences and changing the way people think. But before my first presentation I vomited into a waste bin backstage. Fortunately, I didn't get any nasty splash-back!

I still get the butterflies before walking on. But I now interpret that as excitement and my body getting ready to perform at the highest level. Which is true.

I control my physiology and my self talk as preparation. But the fear is far less of an issue anyway because I have skill. And experience. I am COMPETENT.

And with that competence tucked away, everything else is easier. And the fear is put away in a box because you know exactly how to prevent your fears from ever coming true.

ONE MINUTE NEEDLE-MOVER

The most successful salespeople I’ve met did NOT get that way by accident. Not genetics. Not their innate charm and personality. Not their upbringing.

They became successful because they identified the specific skills that would make them successful.

And then learned. Practiced. Learned more.



​This week’s Needle Mover: List out the specific influence skills or behaviours that you believe the most successful and influential salespeople possess. And then plan for how you are going to acquire them or get better at them.